I'm the teacher now

But I still have so much to learn

It’s President’s Day, my first real, planned day off since I started my long-term subbing gig at the end of January. This week is the start of my fourth of twelve weeks. In some ways, it’s hard to believe it’s the fourth week already, and in other ways, I can’t believe I still have eight weeks to go.

I had a lot of respect for teachers before I took this job. Now, though, I am in awe of their patience and persistence.

“People do this EVERY DAY, for HOW MANY years?” I’ve said out loud more than once to teachers and family and friends. It is the hardest work I’ve ever done, which maybe isn’t that impressive considering I’m not built for hard labor, but I would challenge anyone to live a teacher’s life for even just one day and say it’s not a hard job. (Most jobs are hard in their own ways. Saying that teaching is hard does not dismiss the difficulty of other jobs.)

Photo by Alexandr Podvalny on Unsplash

To say that it’s been a learning experience for me is an understatement. It’s been like being thrown into the deep end and told to swim. I’ve dogpaddled and treaded to keep my head above the water, and thankfully, I have a supportive team of English teachers who have thrown me life preservers and given me constant encouragement. I could not have made it this far without them.

The first weeks were rocky. My grandmother had a scary trip to the hospital where we almost lost her, and while she’s stable now, her days are still numbered. This happened the same day I started my new job, and my stress over that leaked into my work to the point that I had to apologize to a class and tell them what was going on in my personal life so that we could move forward in a kind of truce for the remainder of my time.

I came home every day with questions I wasn’t expecting, like “Why am I so hungry?” and “How early is too early to go to bed?” I don’t know if my school stomach hadn’t activated yet (if you don’t know what a school stomach is, ask any of your teacher friends and they will tell you all about school stomach and school bladder) or if I wasn’t planning my meals properly, but I snacked like a pubescent teenager the first few weeks of school. One night, I went to bed at 7:30. I could have fallen asleep even earlier if there wasn’t dinner to make and dishes to wash.

These physical reactions seem to be lessening. I’m not as hungry when I get home from work, and my bedtime is back to a normal(ish) time for me. But I still have little to no capacity for things that aren’t school/work or family. I used to fill my week with little tasks and side hustles that I could cross off to feel accomplished. Now, if I make it through work and dinner and any shuttling of kids that might need to be done, I call it a successful day.

Whatever we’re paying teachers, it’s not enough. And I’m not saying that to be controversial.

Let me give you an idea of my typical work day (times are approximate):

Arrive to work around 7 a.m. Log in to computer and apps/sites needed for the day. Display daily agenda for block 1 on the front board. Make copies or print materials for first 2 blocks of classes.

7:20 a.m. Roll cart with computer into the hallway to monitor students until bell rings. Respond to e-mails. Take attendance as students arrive to class. Answer questions from students who were absent. Pick up copied or printed materials. Grade work that came in over the weekend or after the school day ended.

7:40 a.m. First block class starts. Wait for announcements to finish. Take attendance and submit to office. Award digital points for students who arrived on time. Check e-hall pass system for students arriving late to class while simultaneously giving instructions for the first part of class. Hand back graded papers. Check in with students about missing work. Monitor students for phone usage (which is not allowed). If I’m lucky, they’ll have independent or group work to do so that I can grade or plan for later classes.

8:50 a.m. First block ends. Second block starts. This is a completely different class from the first one. Display agenda on the front board. Take attendance. Award digital points for students who arrived on time. Check e-hall pass for students who are arriving late from another class or who have appointments or early dismissals. Answer phone. Get class started, sometimes with independent reading, other times with direct instruction.

10 a.m. Prep period. Finally, go to the bathroom. Toss a snack in my mouth. Walk the hallways for the first 5-7 minutes of the block and check bathrooms for any suspicious behavior. Check mailbox in the office. Make copies or print materials. Fill water bottle. Take a deep breath and prepare for later classes. Send e-mails to parents and/or write referrals for student behavior. Update agendas for previous two classes for the next day’s work. Review agenda for afternoon classes, which blessedly are the same class (but not the same as my first two classes). Download video announcements. Enter grades in grade book. Update links and due dates on Schoology. Watch and/or read whatever assignments are coming up for classes so that I can adequately engage with the students and their assignments.

11:15 a.m. Block 4 begins. Display agenda. Take attendance. Award digital points for students who arrived to class on time. Lay out expectations for class and/or teach a lesson. Check in with students about missing work. Sign travel forms for students who will be absent. Remind them to check the agenda for the days they will be gone and to make up missing work. Return graded papers. Grade assignments while students are reading or working. Approve bathroom passes.

12:15 p.m. Break for lunch. This class will return after a 30-minute lunch break. Grab my packed lunch and head for the staff room where I meet up with other teachers from the English department. Enjoy 30 minutes of camaraderie while eating. Use the bathroom again. Fill water bottle. Head back to class.

12:45 p.m. Students return from lunch. Watch the announcements. Try (and not always succeed) to encourage them to work for the last 15 minutes of the block.

1:15 p.m. Block 5 begins. Take attendance. Award digital points for students who arrive on time. Repeat lesson/instructions from block 4. Keep students on task. Check in about missing assignments. Return graded work. Grade assignments while students are reading or working. Approve bathroom passes.

2:25 p.m. Students are dismissed. My two children congregate in my room while I work for another 30 minutes or so. Respond to emails. Update agendas for afternoon classes. Print or copy materials needed for the next day. Check turn-in bin for any work that needs grading.

Leave work between 3 and 3:15 p.m. Some days, I stayed till 3:30, especially in the first week, to make sure I had everything prepared for the next day.

I’m committing to not taking work home because my pay is a flat rate, no matter how many hours I work. Only when I had to miss a day for illness did I do any work on weekend so that I wouldn’t be overwhelmed by catching up when I returned.

This rundown does not fully encapsulate the emotional drain of talking all day, of answering a billion questions, of thinking three steps ahead of where you’re at, of trying to make sure you’ve met all the requirements for the day. I keep a half-sheet of blank paper on my desk and write down tasks and questions throughout the day so that as little as possible slips through the cracks. Throughout the day, I try to check off what I can.

It. is. exhausting.

And I’m really enjoying it. I like my students. I’ve appreciated their effort and creativity so far. I like the feeling of accomplishment I have at not just getting by in this position but actually doing a decent job at it. I was so nervous to start, and I’m feeling more confident by the day.

“Maybe you’ll want to do this full-time,” people have said to me, and my answer to that is still a big fat NO. Not because I can’t do it and not even because I don’t want to. But I don’t believe it’s the role I was meant to play in the world. I haven’t written anything in 3 weeks. I’m reading only a few minutes a day on average. That’s not sustainable for me in the long term.

So, for now, I’m the teacher. I still have a lot to learn, and the journey is interesting and exhilarating. You might not hear from me again for a few weeks, so just know that I’m out there keeping my head above water in hopes that I’ll be swimming confidently in a few months. But I might just be crying in my coffee because teaching is something else and the kind of student I was is not the kind of student everyone is.

What’s the last job, activity or task that stretched you? How did it feel in the midst of it? And how did it feel afterward?