Nobody wants this
It's not just the name of a popular Netflix series
Ten days ago, our teenage daughter was in a car accident. She was leaving her boyfriend’s house in the suburbs of Philadelphia, turning left on a green arrow, when a car came through the intersection and hit the car she was driving on the front passenger side.
Phil and I were at the movies. Our son was at the homecoming dance at school. It was a rare weekend night with no other plans, and we had a coupon code for $5 movie tickets. Popcorn and soda still cost us more than the tickets, but we seldom go to the movie theater. It was a treat.
Thirty minutes into the movie, Phil’s phone rang. It was our daughter. He hadn’t picked up, so I texted her to ask if she was okay.
“No. I just got hit,” she said.
I bolted out of the seat as we gathered our things and called her as we left the theater, asking for as many details as possible. She was unhurt. Five minutes from her boyfriend’s house. The police were already there. She sounded rattled—who wouldn’t be?—but was handling it with a maturity I know I didn’t have at her age. We told her we were on our way and would meet her at her boyfriend’s house.
More than an hour later, we were reunited. I hugged her tight, fully aware that situations like this end differently all the time. At the advice of the responding officer, she had emptied the car before it was towed away, so we gathered those things and headed back home.
That was just the beginning.
//
The last 10 days have been inconvenient at best. We were able to pick up a rental because we are firmly a two-car family these days. I remember the days when we were a one-car family and I don’t know how we did it. But having a rental for an undetermined amount of time is not the same as having the car you drive every day. Phil and I switched so that he is driving the rental and I am driving our other vehicle. Both are SUVs. Both are too big for my liking. First-world problems? Probably.
Five days after the accident, our car was still at the place where it had been towed. Unbeknownst to us, we needed to fill out a vehicle release form from the police department that responded, and show up in person with ID before our insurance company could tow the vehicle to our preferred body shop. Did I mention the accident took place more than an hour from our house?
We were able to get all of that completed, but it took most of my day off and some of Phil’s day off, and now, we still don’t know what’s happening with our car. Ten days later, I don’t know if we’ll be able to fix it or if the car will be totaled. It’s 10 years old. It would get us at least five more years. We don’t want (can’t really afford) a car payment right now.
All because of someone else’s mistake.
It’s frustrating. Nobody wants this. Drive safe, everybody!
//
In just a few days, millions of people nationwide will lose their SNAP benefits. You might know them as “food stamps” and you might have opinions about that, but let me tell you what I know: when our family was young and poor and Phil was in grad school, SNAP and WIC, two government supplemental programs, were what fed our family. They were the reason our kids could eat fruits and vegetables, that we could buy milk and whole grains. And yes, we sometimes bought treats for ourselves or the kids because we are humans who deserve dignity and autonomy.
Here’s what else I know: I hated every minute we were on those programs. It’s probably why I still don’t love grocery shopping. At the checkout, I felt so exposed, pulling out my WIC checks as the cashier made sure each item was eligible. I burned with shame when I handed over my SNAP card if it didn’t go through the first time. I lowered my eyes and wouldn’t look at the people around me because I didn’t want to feel what I was sure they were thinking. If I was at the store alone with my kids, would they think me a single mom? Did they see me as lazy for not having a job? (Staying home with kids is the hardest work I’ve ever done.) Were they judging my grocery items?
I’m sure I wasn’t alone in my feelings. I didn’t want to be on food stamps or WIC, but I was grateful for the ways they helped our family in a time of need. (Stop yourself if you think we’re the exception. The myth of the welfare queen is strong. But most families on these government assistance programs are just doing the best they can. If they had a choice, I believe most people would choose not to be on food stamps.)
Now, these programs are in jeopardy because of rhetoric and misinformation and cruelty, although I also believe that if you asked the average person to their face, “Do you want kids to go hungry?” the answer would be “of course not.”
Nobody wants kids to go hungry. (You’ve lost your humanity if you do.)
I just read a statistic that the average household contributes $36/year to the SNAP program through taxes. That is a small price to pay to help our fellow man.
//
For better or worse, we humans are connected. The actions of one (a missed red light) can throw another’s life into momentary chaos. The loss of food security for millions will have ripple effects on schools and workplaces, nonprofit food banks, and community outreach meals.
To live is to be affected by each other’s actions, problems, struggles and inconveniences. This is happening all the time whether we pay attention to it or not. As much as we might want to live an isolated life, it’s nearly impossible in the world in which we live. To leave the house is to assume some risk. We can choose to not get involved in other people’s lives, but even that choice isn’t really valid. Just by being alive, we are already involved in other people’s lives.
Lean into it.
Community, relationships, humanity—they’re messy and complicated, but I fully believe the only way to survive whatever horrors come our way is to do so together.
Nobody wants the horrors to affect them, but one way or another, they will come for us all. If you’re someone in need now, ask for help. Reach out. Allow others to share in your struggles. If you’re not in need right now, help in whatever way feels right to you. Give money. Volunteer. Share a meal. Sit with someone who is suffering. Learn about the issue or issues. Talk to people. Hear their stories. (You know I’m an introvert and that I know this is not always easy or comfortable.)
We need each other. We always have.
Your post is a great reminder to us all. I have been volunteering at my church's food pantry and a lot of our shoppers are the working poor. They feel stuck and worry that things are going to get worse.
Lisa, thanks for this terrific post. Yes, some of us--many of us?--need to look up from the constant political infighting and actually see our neighbors. Those of us who follow Jesus need to do exactly what you suggest: "Give money. Volunteer. Share a meal. Sit with someone who is suffering. Learn about the issue or issues. Talk to people. Hear their stories."
I remember a year when I went with a friend to a grocery store on "Black Friday" and bought about a week's worth of food for a family we knew needed help. We left it on their doorstep, and heard later about their shock and gratitude at the anonymous person who helped them. It felt so good!!! Maybe you could give it a try, as I will again this weekend...